Dec 22nd 2010:
Some days I feel more emotional than others, tears seem to be sitting closer to the surface, and a sadness has crept in that I can’t avoid. I thought it was the Tamoxifen but I saw my Oncologist this week and she thinks I’m depressed. She told me it was to be expected; especially now that life has slowed down a bit and I have more time to think about what having cancer has done to my life.
A wise friend and professor, Dr. Brunner, gave me good advice back in August. He warned me that my “normal” was about to change. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal…. Yet, now that it is occurring, I find myself somewhat lost and frustrated. I was happy with my old “normal” and with my old body, and now that it’s totally changed I find myself grieving the loss. The Dr. gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant, it’s a low dose of Effexor that is commonly given to breast cancer patients to help with the Tamoxifen induced hot flashes, which I am experiencing as well. She thinks it will help me get back to a “normal” baseline in a couple of months. I filled it, but I haven’t taken any. I hate the thoughts of taking meds to start with, especially one to treat the side effects of another when my body seems to be so sensitive to medication… what new side effects will I get? Plus, the pharmacist told me it’s super addictive… great, I can think of much more fun drugs to take if I want to be addicted to something again!
Then there’s the part of me that thinks I need to feel these emotions and that there has to be a healthy way to face them, sit with them, and learn from them. I’m not naturally wired to do that but thankfully I have good friends who are and that can help me. In the mean time, if I’m not my chipper self… be patient, I am shelving the Effexor for now and going to try and deal with the hand life has given me the old fashioned way, with lots of tears, the help of my friends and a cancer support group.
I am also a month out from my last surgery, and am regaining the use of my arms and am not in any pain. The “foobs” are still pretty uncomfortable but I am hoping that will soon change. All in all the surgeons are happy with my progress and say I’m a fast healer.
This is probably going to be my last update as there isn’t much going on other than me adjusting to my new “normal.” Thanks for caring for me and for your prayers. I will still be needing them!!!
Nov 24th 2010:
It's been a week since I had surgery and for the most part am doing pretty good. After being wide awake for the first 2 nights, at some point I finally crashed. Not only have I slept but I have been drained of energy ... part of me would like to get a hold of what ever it was that had me wired and take just a little bit of it!
In spite of the expanders being gone, I am still sore from the surgery itself and am pretty bruised up but haven't taken pain pills since yesterday. It was nice to get the "packing" off but I am already tired of the sports bra. I am trying not to complain and am working on things to be thankful for tomorrow as it will be Thanksgiving, but at the moment, honestly I am tired of this process.
Nov 18th 2010:
Happy Birthday to me!
Knowing the expander's are out of my chest is one of the best gifts ever... even though I am "packaged up tight" and drugged up, I can tell they are gone. I am so thankful to have been in the hands of caring surgeons thru this process.
Other than not sleeping last night, I feel pretty good. What soreness is there is masked by Vicodin. I didn't sleep after the first surgery either, don't know what's up with that but am looking forward to sleeping at some point hopefully soon!!
Tomorrow morning I will go into Dr P's office and he will remove the packing. I'm not supposed to lift anything for the next 2 weeks and will be wearing a sports bra for support for a month. After that I should be good to go!
My physical therapist wants me to come back as the cording in my right arm and the tad bit of swelling with it is still there, so in two weeks I'll be starting back to that fun fun stuff.
Nov 17th 2010:
Today has gone very well. No traffic on the way to the hospital and then they started the surgery an hour early. Took a little longer than expected but that seems to be the norm. Got back to the house about 4pm. Seems quick looking back on it. Now for some rest to get better.
Nov 15th 2010:
After playing phone tag with my Dr and not getting her, I put myself back on Tamoxifen. I was reminded by Chuck that my heart tends to race naturally and I think anxiety was playing a role as I was nervous about taking the Tamoxifen after the bad side effects from the Arimidex. So far I'm 2 weeks into it and it only seems to be effecting my sleep, which in turn leaves me tired. I go back and see that Dr in early December and am giving the drugs a try until then... I don't know if I will stick with it or not but am still nervous about those "sleeper cells" and want to be proactive in insuring that I will be around for a good long time.
In two days I will be going back to the hospital for the surgery to complete the breast reconstruction. I will be back at Good Samaritan and if all goes well will be home the same day. I get there at 9am the surgery is set for 11am and Dr Popowich thinks it should take 1.5hrs at the most... just enough time to get recovered and stuck in rush hour traffic! I'm thinking we may need dinner and a movie on the way home. I shouldn't need any more surgery after this one and the recovery time shouldn't be near as long as the last... maybe my "two weeks" will prove to be true this time!
Oct 30th 2010:
The "racing heart" never eased up. After 2 nights of no sleep I switched to taking the Tamoxifen in the mornings and yesterday afternoon went ahead and called the Dr.. Once again, this isn't something they have ever gotten complaints about and the Dr doesn't think it's the Rx, but she did have me stop taking it for the weekend and wants me to call her on Monday. I am trying to stay positive but must admit that this is very frustrating.
Oct 27th:
On Monday I saw my Oncologist and have now had two nights of Tamoxifen. I was nervous that she would want me to stick with the Arimidex but even now I realize that the Tamoxifen isn't going to be a walk in the park. All of my doctors were so excited over my Onco results and happy that these pills would do the trick and that chemo wouldn't be needed, I wish they had been a bit more chill and not made the pills seem so easy. So far after only two nights, the Tamoxifen has my heart racing and sleep has been elusive... five years of this won't be much better than the Armidex. I am seriously debating stopping all meds, but I am scared of those "sleeper cells."
21 more days and at least I will be getting the expanders out of my chest, physical therapy has helped but they are really uncomfortable. We have named them The ROCKettes, and their theme song is "We will, we will, hurt you." I don't worry anymore about someone hugging me and getting hurt but about them getting hurt!!
Oct.17th:
A week into taking the Arimidex, the side effects kicked in, a bit of nausea with the worst being fatigue... hard to breath or get off of the couch kind of fatigue. It also had a blanket effect on my brain, I could feel everything in me slow down and cloud up. I called Dr. Solti to see how long it would take for those symptoms to subside, as the fatigue isn't a normal symptom, she had me come in for blood work. It was fine, so she had me stop taking the Arimidex for this week to see if it really was it... I am 3 days without it now and can tell a major difference. I go back to see her in two weeks, there are other drugs we can try before turning to chemo. The drug option was nice as they are specialized to go after the "sleeper cells" that could be hiding in my system, chemo is like using a "scorched earth" policy to deal with them. Cracks me up as a pacifist to be using war terminology but it helps me understand what is happening.
Physical Therapy is going well, today they retested the range of motion in my shoulders and it has doubled since I first started! Most of the pain is gone and the "cording" in my right arm is minimal, leaving me with a slight stinging sensation down my forearm. Karen, my Physical Therapist tells me that when I get these expander's out on the 17th it will be instant relief... I am SO ready for that!
Oct. 5th:
I can't believe that it's October already. Reading back through the updates, I see that I slept thru Sept and most of August, here's to staying awake for October!!! I think I will as last week I could feel my strength returning, and although I still got tired it took a bit more to exhaust me than it did before. I could take a shower without needing an immediate nap for example!! I actually was home alone as Chuck had to go to Canada on business, I ventured out a bit and managed to not get myself into any trouble. I even "cooked" supper for myself one night .... ok, so maybe even cooked in quotations is a bit strong as I had a protein drink and a Klondike bar... but I did have to mix the protein drink!! Thankfully, those of you who had brought meals, had brought enough that we had plenty of food in the freezer for me to get into so I didn't have to "cook" but that one time.
Yesterday was the 3rd day taking the Arimidex and so far so good, I have been told to give it a bit more time to get into my system before making any side effect claims but as of yet I haven't noticed any.
Yesterday I also went to Physical Therapy, spent two hours getting evaluated and working on stretching my peck muscles and the skin around it. I was surprised by how exhausted & sore I was after wards, as it didn't feel like we were doing much at the time. They want to see me back every Monday for the next 6wks... I guess the fun is just beginning.
I had an hour to somewhat recuperate and then on to the Plastic Surgeons office for the last fill on the inserts... YES, the LAST fill. It was another one of those days when I asked who had scheduled these things so close together and once again, only had myself to blame. Yesterday ended up being one of the most miserable days since the surgery, I was and still am very sore. We were able to set a date for the surgery to remove the inserts and place the permanent implants, it's a day which I find ironic as it's my birthday... the surgery is the day before my birthday actually, but I will wake up on Nov 18th with new boobs... not exactly something I have dreamed of or wanted for a birthday present but just having these hard plastic inserts out will be something to celebrate!!
That's it for now... thank for keeping up with me, praying for me and loving me through this.
Sept 28th:
NO CHEMO! It has been confirmed that I don't have to have it! The drug Arimidex, which has proven to be just as effective for women such as myself who had the cancer caught in the early stages and was hormone positive, will be the next course in combating cancer cells who might have snuck out and are hiding in my body. The side effects from it differ from person to person, some have reactions similar to chemo and others more milder menopausal type symptoms. I haven't started taking it yet as it just got the o.k. from the insurance company today, the pills aren't the cheapest and thankfully they did approve them. I will go back to the Oncologist in a month and she will do blood tests and evaluate how the pills are effecting me.
As for the reconstruction.... have had 4 fills now and have 1 to go. Then I get to wait 6 weeks for the 2nd surgery. I was sure hoping to have the surgery sooner as the hard plastic inserts are super uncomfortable. Between those and hot flashes, sleep hasn't come easy at night which I think is contributing to the tiredness and lack of energy I have during the day!!
Next week I will start physical therapy, I have lingering pain from the removal of the lymph nodes that shoots down both arms. Mostly in my left now, it started off just in the right but it is much better and I can almost fully extend my right arm without pain.
I think that's about it... if you have any questions let me know and I'll try to answer them!
Sept 13th:
Time sure flies when you are sleeping the days away!
Best news was getting the results from the Onco test, based on my low number (5) I should not have to experience chemo. I will see my Oncologist next week and get it confirmed but it looks like the only thing I will have to do now is take the hormone suppressant, Arimidex. I went today and took a Bone Density Test to get my baseline established so that we can monitor how the lack of hormones effect my bones.
The cancer seems to be gone and I have an excellent prognosis for a long and healthy future.
Since the last update I've gone to Dr. Popowich, my plastic surgeon, twice for fillings on the inserts for the reconstruction phase of my breasts. I am hoping to have the second surgery for the permanent implants by November. It's an interesting process and I've yet to find a good online surgery to view of what is exactly going on. I have learned that I am fascinated with how our bodies work and can't get enough of watching surgeries.... ORLive is my favorite.
I drove myself today for the first time to my appointments. It was nice to be a bit independent again, the driving wasn't too bad but doors were a bit hard to navigate. I came home exhausted and plan on camping out on the couch till Thursday when I get to do it again.
We aren't getting meals brought up anymore and for the most part, most days, I would love to have some company. Because of my sore chest, talking isn't something I'm doing a lot of but I need to walk and would appreciate short visits that included getting me out for that walk. Text or email and plan on coming up!
Sept 2nd, 9am:
Not sure what to write.
The days are starting to blur and drag all at the same time. This has been the week for facing the reality that my recovery is going to take longer than I imagined. I am not bouncing back quickly and have been assured by all 3 Dr.'s that I've seen since the last update, that this is normal for what I've had done. I was naive in thinking that I would be back to "normal" in a couple of weeks. Patience has never been a strong virtue of mine and the lack thereof is showing... this is a new adventure for sure!
The Dr.'s are all pleased with the healing that is taking place, they have encouraged me that the progress as minimal as it is seems to me to be is on track and going well.
August 27th, 8am:
Two weeks ago today I was waiting for surgery.... now I am waiting for the pain to leave. Doesn't seem right that I felt better before hand. The pain isn't severe, and mostly just across the chest. It's sore and tight and numb all at the same time. I have been testing the waters with leaving off pain meds, as I think I should be much further along by now... maybe I've been a bit too optimistic!
Meeting with an Oncology Physician today, if I like her she will be with me for a while replacing all the surgeons. She will set the course for future treatments, we are still waiting on the results of the Onco test so today will pretty much be a meet and greet type appointment.
Chuck went back to work last week and I have taken over keeping you updated, so far I have lapsed and not kept it up as good as he did but I will try and do better!!
August 24th, 10am:
Yesterday Donna did get the drain tubes removed from her sides at Dr Johnson's office. Even though she thinks she looks like the "Bride of Frankenstein," the nurse removing the tubes told her she was beautiful and that everything seems to be healing good.
We expected instant Menopause and weren't sure how it would effect Donna, it took a week but has finally arrived. The last 2 mornings she as been awake earlier than normal... at 1am and has had mild hot flashes thru
August 22 10:30 am: The last couple of days have been all about resting and watching TV. Got to help Vivian celebrate her birthday early. Deborah made an excellent "Donna Sitter" while Chuck and Beth (Donna's sister) went out for a while getting a needed break. Donna has enjoyed the limited company and enjoyed getting caught up. Looking forward to getting some visitors. Monday will be another trip to the Dr office to get the last of the tubes removed.
August 20 3:00 pm: Meet with Dr Johnson today at 11:30 am. At this appointment she verified that the test came back negative for any cancer in the Lymph nodes! The down side of the appointment was that the drains have to stay in until at least monday..bummer. But as celebration of the cancer free lymph nodes we stopped and had a burger and fries. At least to go and took them home. Totally worn out after the Dr appointment. An new doctor has been added. Dr Solti (not sure about the spelling). Dr Solti is a Oncolgist Doctor, she will be providing the after surgery treatment. August 3 is the appointment with Dr Solti. At that time it will be determined what medication will be taken for additional treatment.
August 19 6 am: Doing very well today. Still waking up way to early! The Dr removed the OnQ yesterday afternoon. The OnQ was a device that provided numbing to the chest area. This was done by tubes inserted in the chest then a remote "ball" that has pressure provides medication that numbs the area. It required carrying this bag around all the time with 6 foot long tubes going to the chest. The medication was gone in the ball so it was time for it to come out. Also during this Dr. visit the last of the wrapping was removed around the chest. This was very tight since it was to apply pressure to the chest area. Made it hard to breathe. Getting it off was instant relief. However the tape caused a serious skin irritation that is extremely itchy. What did not get removed was the drains. This will be reviewed again on friday at another Dr visit. The drains require frequent attention to ensure they do not get plugged. Also when I get the drains out I will be able to lift my arms. The best benefit will be a good shower and real clothes.
August 18, 6:27 am: Yesterday was a quiet day watching movies. Made it downstairs twice. Once just down and back up then later is the day for dinner and a movie. Today is the first Dr visit for a checkup. All seems well but will know for sure late this afternoon.
August 17 10:15 am: Yesterday was a good day of rest. Today should be more of the same. Made it as far as the couch today. Sitting here watching and listening to the sounds of the day. Meds are working good. All seems to be in order and not much pain. Tomorrow is the first Dr visit. The On-Q will be removed and hopefully the drains.
August 15 9:00 pm : This has been a long exhausting day. Doing very well but very tired. Mimi and Steve bought over a great pot roast, lettuce salad and watermelon. Thanks.
August 15 3:50 pm: We are home! Donna is doing well. The drive was actually easy not the normal blocked up freeways. It will be a couple of days before Donna is ready for visitors but it will not take long. Progress is being made.
August 15 7:10 am: Finally got some sleep. Still very sore but overall doing good. Dr was already in this morning and signed off for going home. Despite the dread of the ride home, home will be great.
August 14 7:10 pm: Long but good day. Today went from barely awake to alert. Don't take this to mean that much sleep occurred. No sleep longer than a few minutes since awaking from surgery. A few walks today and at least one more tonight. The first solid food consisting of Mac and Cheese with a fruit bowl awaits. Normal color has returned. All doctors except Dr Johnson have been in today. General consensus is that tomorrow is the day to go home. They all say that she is doing very well.
August 14 10:30 am. It has been confirmed that hospital departure will not be today. The general comments are that she is doing very well. Dr Johnson or staff member has not been in yet today but is still expected. Today is not a good day for visitors. First short walk completed.
August 14 6:25 am. Sleepless night. May have been the coffee when she first woke up. Alert this morning and checking text. Not up to taking phone calls yet. Soon it will be time for the first walk. Does not sound like going home will occur today.
August 13 7:30 pm.. All surgery complete. In the recovery room. Expected to be there for at least 2 hours. The last part of the surgery took longer than expected. Dr Winter stated that the organs were tight together like a big ball that had to be separated. Also stated that no cancer was found in the ovaries. Surgery was over at about 6:30 PM.
August 13 2:15pm: Cancer is removed. This part of the surgery is complete. Talked to Dr Johnson. They will be starting the last phase shortly. All is well so far. The lymph nodes have tested negative. Keep in mind that the lymph nodes will be sent out for further test. Final results in about a week.
August 13 11:30 am: Surgery has begun.
August 13 9:37 AM: Surgery has been delayed until about 1pm due to another patient.
August 13: Check in time has been changed to 7am. The rest of the schedule remains the same.
August 11 update: Surgery schedule has been set for Aug 13. Check in at Good Samaritan is 6am. With surgery to begin at 11 am. Expectation is to be out of surgery about 4 pm. Doctors stated that they would be out to provide an end of surgery update about 1 hour after completion. Hospital stay is expected to be one night. Will update later.